If you’ve followed the JHP Blog for a while, you’ll know that I regularly create content around feeling like an imposter.

This one is a little different. I’m going to share some of my own experiences, see if any of it

resonates with you.

So what do these two things have in common?

Self-relationship and identity are key focus points.

I learned these lessons as a busy veterinary surgeon in practice.

Who do we treat ourselves as?

We all have a ‘relationship’ with ourselves, right? This might be a new concept or something that you’re already familiar with. This encompasses how we talk to ourselves, how we treat ourselves, the actions we take and the decisions we make.

This isn’t time to criticise ourselves about criticising ourselves, let’s be gentle and curious, because change is possible.

For many years, I was in a relationship with the negative critic in my head, ergo I would have rated my relationship with myself at a one out of ten, probably some days a minus ten.

I believed everything that it said as gospel truth. It said I was useless, I thought it was true. I felt a bit nervous about something new, it shouted fraud and I believed it. I constantly sought to feel better, from external grades and more “stuff”; after all, that’s what made me feel special as a child. I achieved, and that same voice discounted the achievement.

I didn’t feel worthy of being looked after for a long time, I kind of wore exhaustion as a strange badge of honour in trying to prove that inner critic wrong, and slowing down was not an option. If you read any of my previous posts, you’ll know this did not put me in a good place.

Fast forward a few years and a lot of learnings, and I know I don’t have to believe that voice, even when it pipes up; I certainly didn’t choose it. For some of you this might be a familiar concept, and for others, it might not be a voice, but a feeling, or a tone of voice in which you speak to yourself. I never got rid of the critic, that’s a post for another day, but I can meet myself (the person underneath) with a little more compassion when it does appear.

I realised over the years that I’m unique, and valuable, and deserve to be cared for – as do you – even on the days things don’t go to plan. You’re precious, and I’m sorry if anyone has ever made you feel otherwise (internally or externally). And your value as a human is not just because of how well you perform, your job title, or what you look like, or whether you have a lie in…. it’s on a level of being, not doing. Nobody is trying to deceive anyone, sometimes we need to remove a little pressure from ourselves.

So when the ‘imposter’ feeling pipes up, I’m kind to myself.

When it comes to self-care, I’m kind to myself.

Sometimes that means slowing down to speed up.

I would really encourage people to check out Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion to

understand a little more about the above too. https://self-compassion.org/

I ask myself: what enables me to be at my best, and show up as me?

Personally, it’s getting outside, eating nutritious food, and staying hydrated. Some days it’s speaking to my coaches, or listening to podcasts, or a film night. Maybe it’s a day of giving myself permission to set aside the to-do list and just relax. Other times it’s more fierce self compassion; booking the appointment, getting the trickier task done that has been playing on my mind.

It’s trial and error (and asking for help when we need it).

I’m not perfect at it, but I’m learning more about what helps me.

We are our longest relationship, let’s make it a good one.

(P.S. Recently one of my favourite time investments into myself has been yoga sessions with my good friend Chloe from VetYogi – make sure that you check out the Surgery to Sanctuary Retreat she’s collaborating on JHP Recruitment with too!)